When I Get Where I'm Going

In a twist of irony, this time of year is always bittersweet for me. This is usually a time of new beginnings and starting fresh with the onset of spring each year, and especially the Easter season with it's promise of everlasting life. But, with that being said, I still hurt now. You see, I've heard about the loss of childhood innocence usually occuring upon the first time a child has to go through the passing of a loved one. My first real experience with this came fifteen years ago today (4/16/95), Easter Sunday in fact, when I lost my Papa. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday, even fifteen years in the future. I was eight at the time and did not know much about the reality of mortality, rather I was more interested in action figures and trying to prevent cooties. But, when my Papa passed away, that changed a lot of things, even if I knew them then or not. I've realized now that this point in my life was my first "growing-up" moment, the moment in time I realized how fragile life really is. The realization of that point was like taking a bite out of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, to an extent. There was no turning back from that point.

But with that being said, I still treasure the memories I was able to share with my Papa during our all too brief coexistance here in the flesh. My earliest memories revolve around him. I was so fortunate enough to have him live with my family. I got to see him everyday, and with that became as close as humanly possible, I think. No hyperbole with that statement. I remember washing dishes with him when I was two with me standing on one of the kitchen chairs to reach the dishes (and there's a picture... This may come back to haunt me one day since there's proof that I know how to do dishes... Let's hope the future wife doesn't see this or the picture...). remember him "saving" me from our rooster we had. That son-of-a-gun was as mean as the devil and one afternoon when I was three or four he started chasing me in the back yard trying to peck at my heels or something. Thankfully, Papa and his walking stick were in the backyard to and he gave that rooster such a knock up side the head, the rooster was out cold for 15-20 minutes. I could go on and on with stories. A lot revolving around our garden. But he also taught me the important things in life. Such things as honesty and a hard work ethic were enstilled in me through him at an early age. But also to enjoy the simple things. There's very few things he enjoyed more than his mid-afternoon nap after lunch. That those simple things are truly the most important things. To love unconditionally. To enjoy the blessings you have in life, no matter how small.

So, as I write this, I just wanted to offer up a "thank-you!" to you Papa. I hope I have made you proud, and I can't wait to see you again one day. I bet the vegetables in heaven are amazing, and I'm looking forward to sitting at the banquet table with you again, Papa. Love you!

Lastly, I know I started off this blog with the premise I would try to include some of the lyrics I write. Well, in memorial of fifteen years since the passing of Gerald Langdon, I wrote this song.

Fifteen

Fifteen years since yesterday.
Oh, how fast time has flown.
How can this be, you were just here,
Now, up in smoke and gone.
Looking back at everything
From then, now, and in between
A child back then, a man now
In person, I wish you could see.

I miss you more than I can ever say,
More than I can express.
But until the day comes when I cross the sky
And meet you on the other side.
What a day of glory that will be!

But I know you're smiling down,
Watching my journey in this world.
Each footstep you've trod ahead in my path
The backdrop you've helped unfurl.
The boy you knew, you loved
Grown up and taking on this life
Doing my best and living for Him
So you can tell your friends in God's light

"I love you, grandson, and I'm so proud of you."

I miss you more than I can ever say,
More than I can express.
But until the day comes when I cross the sky
And meet you on the other side.
What a day of glory that will be!
A day of glory that will be!

I take this to heart
That there will be a tomorrow
When we meet again
Oh the stories to share...The jokes to tell...The tears to cry...
The heavenly embrace of Papa and grandson
And a day of glory that will be!

I miss you more than I can ever say,
More than I can express.
But when the day comes when I cross the sky
And meet you on the other side.
What a day of glory that will be!
A day of glory that will be!

Yes, a day of glory that will be!

Fifteen years ago since yesterday,
Oh, and how fast time has flown

Buckle Up!

Good evening, all. Thank you so much for taking time to stop by this new venture of mine, my first blog. I've been considering starting this for some time, and finally decided to "bite the bullet" after some careful introspection on my life as well as some kind advice from some dear friends of mine. I have come to a point in my life, at the grand and ripe old age of 23 years old, to begin to take a look back at the road I've been on, the curves, the intersections, the passer-bys I've met on the way, and take what I've learned and apply it to the road I have yet to travel. The road beyond the next bend. The road that continues over the horizon.

I think/hope this blog is going to be somewhat spiritually and mentally therapeutic as a way to be able to deal with life's emotions. Personally, I know I'm introverted, and along with that, do not tend to deal with emotion in an outward manner. So, I hope that this avenue will help channel whatever those emotions I may be feeling at the time into a constructive resource for myself, and heck, maybe for you as well, reader. Maybe open up a whole other side of yourself that you didn't know. The possibilities are endless! (To borrow a phrase from Kevin Garnett: "ANNNYYTTHIIINNGGG ISS PPPOSSSIIIBBBLLLEEE!!!" That's exactly how it should be read.)

Also, I hope this can be a creative avenue for myself. Previously, when I needed to channel emotion, I wrote song lyrics. Music has always been an emotional source for me and helps me connect to others (-cough cough- mixtapes -cough cough-) but more importantly on a spiritual level between myself and God. If I had to choose a DREAM profession, one where if given the opportunity to do immediately, it would be that of a musical artist. Guess you weren't expecting that? (See! Learning new things about me already!) Therefore, I would like to incorporate some of the lyrics I write (when the notion hits) so 1) I get them off my chest and 2) for feedback on how one likes it.

Lastly, I would like to document some of my lifes adventures (and misadventures) along the way. Once again, it's a long and winding road this thing called life. It helps to chronicle the mistakes I've made and the lessons learned as well as celebrate the little joys that life doles out on a daily basis.

So, I guess that explains why I feel like I need to and want to do this. Life is a complex intermingling of experiences and people. And, I think it would be cool to take a few people along on the ride. The journey is always more enjoyable when you have people you love coming along with you on the ride. So sit back, crank up the iPod, and enjoy the words that hopefully will provide the case for Casey. The defense has only begun. :)

God bless and good night!!!